I'm eating all of the evidence.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
