the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
