Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
