You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
