i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
