Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
