Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
