chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
where are my eyebrows?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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