Can Purell be used as lube?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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