3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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