You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
