It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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