Can i not drive my cunt home
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
