Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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