this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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