Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drunk is not a location!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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