omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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