New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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