wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
