um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
