Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
