There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
