I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize