Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
