Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
