ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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