My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Two words: nipple clamps
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