Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
