remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
