stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
