apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
