If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
