Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
