it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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