We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
