i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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