We won't sleep together?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
