I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
