I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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