youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
