I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
