thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
