Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize