Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
