shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
