Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
