so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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