I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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