I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
