where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize