I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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