This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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