I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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