you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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