Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
