The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
