I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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