Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
