based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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