Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
