Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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