Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
