Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
