I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
