He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
