did you get engaged???
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My vagina is officially offended.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
