I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
