There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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