we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
