hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
