Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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