Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
