I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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