It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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