Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
