he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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