Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
