I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
