Can i not drive my cunt home
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
is it fun? or sober?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
